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Friday, July 11, 2008

Bloggers Are Terrible Writers

There are so many bad writers on the Internet, especially in the blogging world, so here are some amusing rules to help you become a world-class writer.

34 Rules For Kick ass Writing

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used unless you don’t want to seem too formal.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
13. Do not use more words, phrases, sentences, or other linguistic elements than you, yourself, actually really and definitely need to use or employ when expressing yourself or otherwise giving voice to what you may or may not be thinking when you are trying to say how many words you should use or not use when using words.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, i.e. etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill excessive exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others elude to them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate distracting quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have once remarked, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally…
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Credit: I have spent the past few hours trying to find the original source of this, I have asked numerous people, and done numerous searches, and the best I could do was to narrow it down to 8,400 webpages and two possible authors.

I apologise if I am wrong, but the closest I can find to an original source is here: Source

22 comments:

Reader Wil said...

Good advice for us, foreign writers! Thanks for your visit and have a great weekend!

Neva said...

too funny! but as blogging is only a "diary" so to speak....I am not sure I feel like perusing my words as if it were a paper to turn in....but thanks anyway!

Ramana Rajgopaul said...

Interesting post. I would really like you to have a look at my blog and offer an expert comment.
http://www.rummuser.com

idealpinkrose said...

wow~ thanks for sharing...i'm absolutely sure that i'm not a good writer...hehehehe...

thanks for visiting my food blog.

EuroYank said...

Perhaps in Indian, British, Aussie, New Zealand, Canadian, Scottish, or Irish ENGLISH, but in AMERICAN English almost anything goes.

rimewire said...

--

hakhak

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

I love it.

hakhak

http;//rimewire.wordpress.com

elyens

XXXxx

Madz said...

Hi, I have never been a writer until I became a blogger... just seeing some potentials hehehe...

Nice post, keep it up!!

HulaGirl said...

wow this is good advice

Nanaybelen said...

never aspired to be a writer. blogging for me is just for fun and past time
thanks for sharing the rules.

aks said...

Hi,thanks for your advise and useful tips. I only know that writing is an art which can only be mastered with regular practice. I too was never a good writer but I learned to do well in this field. And now, I think ..I write much better than what I used to do in the past. What do you say?

Everyone can be a good writer. Its not that blog writing is different from normal writing. Infact, blog writing is the best way to improve your writing skills. With each post you write originally, you learn a lot.

My one and only killer tip for writing well - READ READ READ READ
The more you read the more better you write. Also, try to write on anything you wish to write. Practice regularly and see the difference..

Redha Herdianto said...

if there's so many rules on blogging, i can't imagine what blogs world can be in 5 years from now.

blog is like 'online diary' so dont care what people said in their posting,...

Tey said...

I must disagree on number 7 if I am not mistaken. Blogging should be more specific as possible and should be readable by a grade 5 students to have good index position on the search engine which means that this post is not understandable by a grede 5 students. No offense.. but most of the words that was used on your post will need some dictionary to be understood by a grade 5 students. Funny but a lot of bloggers try to make their writing as a professional writer which is not quite necessary if you need to be indexed. Blog writing is far different from book writings or something. Keywords is more important in online writing. Now if you want to be famous a writer then this tips is very useful. Dont be proud if your level of blog writing is on "College level" or up, because you'll less likely get a good position on the search Engines. They are engines and not human. Just a personal diary unless you are promoting a book or something. I dont even remeber those words I learned way back in high school or elementary english subject.. Thanks for sharing, good tips to be a prfessional writer, but thats not the path that I intend to go to. Money and just sharing.. Have a great day

wah.yu said...

i think its depend on the purpose . coz mine is a personal blog . dont care what people thinks . coz its for myself as an archive of a life time . :)

lloyd belleza said...

This tips you have here are used for formal writing and in contrary, blogging is not that kind. It is a kind of personal expression. Although SVA should still apply.

Ner said...

I read this on a book somewhere hehe. Can't recall. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

SVA is a must as Lloyd said. Most blogs are of a conversational tone so some of these rules may be broken, I guess. Unless it's for technical writing, of course.

Thanks for the reminder. ;)

shengy said...

tnx for the visit and tips...

사깅 (saging) said...

haha. nice ! loove that list :D but in the end, it's really based on what i want to write, and how i want it to look. but thank you anyway :3

sky-cloud said...

thanks for the tips..


well as you can see, my english is really bad since it's not my first language ^^

well, at least i'm improving :)

i try so hard to write in english but still, these tips is useful :)

周董粉丝 said...

useful tips for me..

...thanks ya...

but for me..
blogging is just to write down my diary...^^
a place belong to myself..
a place where i can share my experiences with other country ppl..

i will learn to be a writer..
yet..i should first improve my english ..

i think this might be the first rules for me..to become a writer..

anywhere..thanks ya a lot..

im winter..
www.wintertimes.net

michaelwong38@gmail.com said...

hi, care to exchange blogroll links?
if yes, pls leave a comment on:
http://bigmoneylist.blogspot.com/
i'll link to you first, then when you have time, link back ok?
thanks and have a great day (:

simplymama said...

Hello, this is a really good advice for everyone but please some us some considerations to the foreign writers just like me. Blogging for me is just for fun. Thank's for the rules anyway.

Tips Blogspot said...

hy... amazing post.. keep on to write okey.. just visit my blog okey..

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